Really annoying and frustrating
by Kajos
Summary: With first two chapters re-written in better format and with improved spelling!Arthur is a young officer in the RAF tasked with straitening out Merlin and turn him from science genius into a soldier. SLASH explicit in later chapters. AthurXMerlin.
1. Merlin's Great Escape

**Diclaimer: **I'm a lazy sod, ad as far as I'm concerned these will all be chapters of the same story so I'm going to put a disclaimer on the front and just ask that you assume application to all chapters of this story. I don't own BBC Merlin, or any of it's characters or settings I might steal for this story, Though I maintain that they can't own the names Arthur, Merlin or Camelot as they are part of ancient legends that make up the very small amount of mythology that england has and surely that belongs to all british people. I do own the plot, any new settings I might invent (Not sure what I'm writing yet) and any original character.

**Kajos: Right that's the boring stuff out the way, sorry fr the rant there. I just don't like to let people think that history can belong to the BBC just because they make a TV Series of it, a rather historically inaccurate one at that though I'm not complaining because the slash factor of Arthur/Merlin hits higher enough on my scale that the nerve centres of my brain that care about continuity shut down. I have no idea what I'm about to right, what the setting, style or even plot line of it will be but hey I can enjoy the surprise just as much as you do! Though I suspect it will be some form of odd AU as that's my normal style. What do people think of space age Arthur? Or even better military modern Merlin? Yes, I like that… Right lets go with that one.**

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Welcome reader to Insworth Royal Airforce Base. Not really where our story starts I think, but I'll decide where it did start later…possibly in chapter three. Any way it was a dismal Gloucestershire day, full of grey clouds a bit of drizzle and nothing much really happening. Except that in a simple very sterile room of a flat a new officer was dropping his bags, fresh out of university his shirt was still itchy with newness. He wasn't much pleased with his placement, Insworth was a rather back of beyond posting mostly housing men between tours of duty or "military" intelligence people working down the road in cheltenham.

His father though had been determined that he should not be placed in danger or given preferential treatment, a bit of an oxymoron but then again parents always seemed to be full of those. So he had been sent here. The most ridiculous thing of all was the job he had been given. Training. All he knew was that the military wanted some civilian given a rank and sent out into combat, but he needed to pass through training first. He had so far cracked two training sergeants, one officer and twelve psychologists. He was not in bad shape just impossible according to all reports. No discipline, no respect and worst of all, he seemed to be able to do somethings ridiculously well when needed but the second you looked to closely or tried to test him he failed.

Well, he was his fathers son, he wouldn't be beaten by some useless over the hill scientist. Speaking of which he really had been hoping to get that file on him read at some point, but Merlin Emrys file filled two boxes. Mostly of complaints forms and certificates of brilliance. He was away this weekend at some lecture somewhere, but on Monday he would go full steam ahead. His father had plans and wanted the man ready to go in six months. Arthur thought this far more time than he needed but then if he finished early or did a particularly excellent job maybe he could transfer out of this place quickly. It was damn near almost Wales!

* * *

No way was the teenager hanging around some convention for the whole weekend, no matter what he might be told to do. He going home to his X-box, a two litre bottle of Pepsi Max and the biggest bag of doritos he could get. After all there was nothing else he was required to do for the weekend.

Drill sergeant number three had been a doddle, a few nice comments, a sneaky change of timetabling for the assault course so oddly enough their session was already double booked and giving him a nice run-a-round the doughnut and he had applied for a transfer. One he was given. He had a week or so before his new victim was brought in and though he had to go into work on Monday he was free till then, and anyway, work wasn't bad. Everyone got a laugh at his military escorts. It was funny, what did they think he was going to do, run away? If so they were rather bad about stopping him as he climbed down the drainpipe out side the uni dorm.

* * *

There was a nock on the door the next morning.

"Enter." He called sullenly from his sheets, he had drunken a little too much the night before thinking he didn't need to get out of bed until 2.

"Capitan Pendragon, sir?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"The Base chief wants to speak to you. Your starting your job a bit early." He looked up to check as was satisfied to see that the officer was of equal rank meaning he hadn't been misplaced in his tone and neither had the other man.

"Why? Is Emrys back early?"

"No, Pendragon." The officer smirked. "He's gone AWOL."

**Kajos: Well, that went better than expected. Sounds like it could pan out to something interesting. I certainly think I shall continue writing this if there is a call for the rest to be written. Read and review please. I like comments and ideas are welcome, honestly. I make this up sat at my keyboard as I go along. I didn't even know what was going to happen when the bloke nocked on the door. **


	2. In Pursuit of Merlin

**Kajos: I apologise for all the typo's in the first chapter. I'll fix them… some time. To be fair, I wrote it in about fifteen minutes and I'll try not to let it happen again, but if I do another quick update on a bad typing day, I make no promises. That and my computer just informed me that the english proofing tools are not installed and that's why that piece wasn't covered in red lines as it should have been. I will look in to this instantly before writing the next chapter…

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**Kajos: Me again. Basically, spell checker on my copy of word dies. Sorry, I'll run the first chapter through open office (which I am now using) some time. I also apologise for the format issues. In the mean time....the more understandable...chapter 2...**

Captain Pendragon knocked on the door to the base commanders office.

"Come in." Arthur stepped smartly inside and saluted.

"Captain Pendragon, sir" Commander Gaius waved for him to take a seat. "Welcome, Captain. You know that Emrys has gone AWOL?" Arthur nodded. "Well I was thinking now would be a good time to send you to find him. He might not see you coming the way he would most of my men."

"May I ask something, sir?"

"Of course."

"Why are you still trying to train him and why are do you allow people to transfer off base so often because of him."

"I have known Emrys a long time, I understand that dealing with him is asking far more of men then I would normally ask. Why are we still trying because he would be a great resource in the field. He can be a genuine McGuyver at times. Mostly if you had read the file you would realise that if I hadn't transferred the last one he would have been discharged anyway. He was found accessing areas far above his security clearance, removing documents from secure sites and had to be forcefully prevented from assaulting Emrys."

"From the sound of things he should be discharged. No judgment of you actions intended sir."

"Quite. It was not his fault though, Emrys got the better of him. I have long been looking for someone with the brains and cunning to keep up with him. I hope thats you." Arthur nodded. "There's a car out front waiting for you. His escort will aprise you of the situation. I'm sure if you don't find him by then you will be able to collect him from work on monday." Arthur looked surprised. "He might be a hell raiser but he enjoys his work and does have some work morales. Just only when they suit him." Arthur nodded stood and saluted before leaving.

* * *

The pub had been nice but this was a sweet find. Later night tournament at Games workshop. He didn't have any of his armies with him obviously but it was fun to watch and talk for a bit with serious players. He had been banned from the cheltenham tournaments after he made several kids cry. He missed playing, but he'd found a couple of guys at work up to facing him. After an hour he had to skip out though before he was discovered.

* * *

Arthur stepped out the car to be greeted by two very sheepish sergeants.

"What happened?"

"He left out the windows and ran off, we've searched the area but can't find any sign of him."

"Great, any ideas?"

"Well, he left a note, saying he'd gone to have some fun."

"Great." Arthur started to wander away into the town centre. He had to find a man some where. First stop night club. "Well, you had better come with me. I have no idea who I'm looking for after all." He shouted back over his shoulder at the two soldiers.

**Kajos: I know it was a short up date but I'm really sleepy and need some more time to think before I go further with it.**


	3. Finding Merlin

**Kajos: Promise, all problems solved this chapter and I will make it longer! **

Arthur stepped into the fifth club of the evening. It was a huge place so he headed up on to an overhead walk way to get a good vantage point on the crowd that swayed on the dance floor. He pushed past people slowly knowing it wasn't worth making a scene. The over two were way behind him anyway and he wouldn't know who he was looking for. As he surveyed the floor one person stood out. A tall lanky boy, he looked quiet thin not weedy looking. He was dancing in the thick of things unconcerned by the girls and in fact men hanging off him. Arthur suddenly missed that part of his youth. The boy had to only just be able to get into the place.

As he watched the youth looked up and met his eyes. He grinned up at him with a smile that spoke of naughty thoughts. Before lifting and hand and crooking a finger beckoning him to the dance floor. Arthur laughed and shook his head but the guy kept trying. Arthur had to admit the guy looked good, though he would never admit it, he did occasionally look at guys, his father would kill him if he ever did anything though. The guy had turned slightly and was rubbing up against another guy, his eyes glued to Arthur in a way that Arthur felt his face flush.

With the worse timing ever Tweedledee and Tweedledum chose that moment to turn up and tell him that the boy was in fact Emrys. He watched the boy laugh when he saw the two of them join him before turning to the man behind him and grabbing him by the back of the neck.

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Merlin was enjoying the place, it was lively and the music was better than most. Then he saw him. The blonde bomb on the balcony. He looked way to serious but Merlin could see he had caught his eye and tried to get him to come join him. Though he refused Merlin's heart fluttered at the sight of his smile as he laughed. He continued to refuse Merlin's blatant requests so Merlin decided to take a different tact. He began to dance just for him, rubbing on the guy behind him. He was rewarded by the drooling look on the blondes face. He drank it in. Merlin knew he could look good in these places. The body that in the light of day looked feeble and pale changed completely with a dance floor and lighting.

Then he saw the two guards appear with the blonde and point him out. The look of shock was even better than anything before and Merlin had to laugh. He knew he was caught so why not have just a little bit more fun with the young soldier that obviously liked him and he turned pulling the man behind him into a hot kiss that he was sure though he didn't check brought that starved look back to the blondes face.

* * *

Arthur had to shout over the music.

"Go get him out of there before he gets himself an STI!" The two nodded and headed down as Arthur very defiantly turned around and headed to the door, calling on twenty three years worth of self control to stop himself from turning to look. He waited just outside the door till Emrys emerged with the other two just behind him.

"Well, that was fun. What did you guys think? Keep a record of this place for next time we're in town?" he joked as Arthur turned around focusing very hard on his face and those of the two soldiers behind him.

"Thats enough of that. Private. We will return to you quarters and in the morning you will return to base with us." The boy grinned at him his head on one side.

"Will I now?"

"Yes, you will. You were not brought here on R&R you are on duty and, _private_, you will follow orders."

"Say you and whose army?"

"Say a captain and your superior officer of her majesty's royal airforce." Emrys nodded a couple of times still smiling.

"We'll see." He raked Arthur with an entirely inappropriate look that made a blush flare up on his cheeks again.

* * *

Merlin was having a very good night. He had though there was going to be an actual officer out here. Not some student with a uniform. The blonde bomb as well. He knew he wanted him and he was going to make him suffer on that score.

Unfortunately this is not where our story begins as I have said before. In fact our story starts a long time before in a hospital in Bedfordshire. To be precise in the maternity ward. With a coincidence that will never be explained by anything but destiny.

Arthur stood next to his mothers bed too young to understand why his father was crying and mummy was still sleeping, se had said she would be fine after she had his brother or sister that had been in her tummy and it wasn't in there anymore but she was still asleep. He wandered over to the next bit of the room.

It was very loud and there was a woman trying desperately to ssshhh a baby. Arthur was interested and walked over to see. His five year old innocence he went straight to her and pulled down the edge of the blanket wrapped around the thing. It stopped and blinked at him.

"Oh, hello!" The woman said surprised. "Who are you then?"

"I'm arthur. Why did it stop?" He asked.

"Well, arthur I think he might like you." Arthur starred down at the pale blue eyes in wonder. He didn't have any friends at school, no one really liked him.

"What's his name?"

"Merlin, for the bird. Because his eyes are the same colour as the sky."

"Merlin's a weird name."

"You think I should call him something different?"

"No, I like Merlin. He held a finger out to the baby and watched in wonder as the small hand grasped it.

"Arthur!" He heard his dad shout. He looked up at the woman.

"I have to go now." He said simply pulling his finger away.

"Well thank you for coming to say hello." Arthur nodded and as he turned away Merlin's eyes welled up and the second he was out of the baby's sight it began to wail again.

And that my readers was when this story really began though neither boy would ever remember it and even Hunith forgot about the boy in the ward quiet quickly as the following months became engraved in her mind by the chaos and pain that came with a difficult baby and her husband leaving her. It was not the last time the two met obviously but there is still much of importance before our present day but we'll come back to that later.

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Merlin scowled in annoyance as he climbed into bed at the darkened figure on the chair by the door. He couldn't believe the guy was going to sit inside the room. He had proved royally annoying on the drive back as his stony face ignored every comment Merlin threw his way and he had yet to get even a blush out of him since his barriers had gone up outside the club. Oh well, he had time. He would wear him down. Merlin was like that patient and very very good at what he did. He didn't have friends, he had adversaries.

**Kajos: Right I think that makes POV changes clearer and hopefully not too many spelling errors or anything in there. I'll redo other chapters in this style in a few days. In the mean time I might update again tomorrow depending on what time I have.**


	4. Life with Merlin

**Kajos: Hey, it's an update! With no apologise required for the last chapter or the two before. They've all been corrected. So ha to you all! Nah, love you. Thanks for the reviews I hope you enjoy the continuation and I've thought a bit about it over the week so I have slightly more of an idea whats going on. Enjoy it!**

The next morning Merlin was rudely woken by that bloody officer. He's be pleased to see shot of him. He woke him up at eight! What kind of time was that!!! HE dragged himself out of the bed with much grumbling and staggered into the shower with some jeans and and t-shirt to put on when he got out.

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Arthur breathed a sigh of relief as the boy went to the shower. He had been struggling all night with the sight of him sprawled on the bed, mouth hanging open beautifully and the memory of those looks he had given him the day before. What was he thinking...He wanted Gwen, not some kid genius he and Gwen had been hovering around having a relationship for years. She was his step-sisters best friend but Gana didn't mind at all, in fact she was constantly tricking them into going on dates.

Thinking about Gwen helped he beautiful dark hair and the smooth curve of her neck, her full lips and his startlingly blue eyes. Wait, that wasn't Gwen. Damit! He was thinking about the kid again. He really need to start dragging the kid round an assault course, that had to be the best turn off ever.

He listened to the shower turn off and waited for the boy to emerge. He didn't have uniform with him but he would have him in gear by the end of the day. His father had given him this assignment and he never failed his father. He would tame Emrys and see the back of him, then maybe get some R&R and go see Gwen.

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Merlin was slow getting dressed hoping to annoy flyboy but he heard nothing an final emerged to put his shoes on. He didn't even think of going for the window he had heard flyboy instruct the soldiers to keep watch for him outside.

He was amazed, he seemed so awake even though he couldn't have slept all night. He considered the guy and knew this was going to be fun. He wondered what Captain Pendragon's past was like. That name though. It rang big bells in his head though he didn't know why. He would find out. As he stepped out the small bathroom the captain was leant against the desk. He ignored him and pulled his black and red Van's out from under the bed and shoved his feet into them before grabbing a red neck scarf and his fitted blue jacket. He headed for the door.

"Private." Flyboy said smuggly. Merlin stopped.

"What?"

"What, sir. To you. You left your bag."

"Thats fine, I though you could grab it for me, sir." He said before trying to go out the door only to be unexpectedly pulled back chokingly by his t-shirt and thrown towards the bag.

"I think I'll pass this time. Private. If thats okay with you." He said stepping out the door into the corridor.

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Arthur considered the file part of Emrys file he had been reading the previous night as the boy in question solidly ignored him through the drive back to Gloucester. He was 17 but had a degree from Cambridge in Physical Engineering. He was brilliant, he broke ciphers like a pro, had an instict for engineering that allowed him to construct amazing inventions on the fly, he could use pretty much any machine in existence with out thinking and with out regards for security. It was ridiculous. 17 and he was a genius. They wanted him in the field though, or at least out at the front lines. They reckoned that out there he might build them weapons and create as much hassle for the other guys as the rest of the army put together.

Arthur agreed but he still felt he understood where Emrys was coming from. He had hated being 17 and not being able to do anything or really live. The best time he had ever got was a few pints sneaked with the guys. He was a kid, he wanted to party and chill out, instead he was working for the government nine to five monday to friday and being forced through, or at least people were attempting to force him through military training at the weekends. That was a harsh boring life.

Still Arthur couldn't be sentimental, Emrys could turn around when ever he wanted to and say he didn't want this and walk away. He hadn't yet. Well then, Arthur would do what the rest should have done with the boy, like a parent with a child that misbehaved. Arthur didn't care how smart he was. He was going to suffer and he was going to complete the training.

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Merlin hated the base, but at the same time the things he could do for his country and the world were phenomenal. He wanted to do those things but he was a teenager, he wanted to have fun and enjoy himself.

Mostly he wanted his mum to be okay. He wanted her to not have to work three jobs to feed him and feel guilty about everything all the time. That was the main reason, they paid him well and he sent most of it home, they had paid a lot of his university fees as well. He would feel bad leaving now that they had done so much for him.

He just couldn't do it, he couldn't turn around and be subservient to another. He couldn't do it. He hated commands, he hated violence, and most of all he hater being shouted at. It reminded him of the few memories he had of his father.

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As they arrived back on base Arthur allowed Emrys two hours before he told him to meet him by the kit room but as they both headed to their rooms they found themselves out side the same door.

"Well...well...well. Looks like they've decided I need a babysitter."

"I don't know, at least this means we won't be bothering other people when I have to drag you out of bed at two in the morning." Arthur replied entering the small apartment and going to his own room. _Dear lord he would have to live with the boy. Did his father want him to go insane? _

**Kajos: Hope you liked it. I plan to do lots of Merlin torture in the next chapter. Please review.**


	5. Zen and the art of Xbox

**Kajos: Hey, guys sorry it took so long for this update but I've had an insane week and Friday was the first time I've been home before 9pm. Here it is though with as requested drooling Merlin...Possibly. I don't know it might just not fit but I'll try if you, then I'll make sue there's some in the next chapter.**

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Two hours later Arthur was amazed to see Emrys stood waiting next to the assault course. Even more surprising he was in uniform.

"Well Private this is the assault course you will be running it in less than ten minutes today or you will be running it in less than ten minutes tonight. Unfortunately it's designed for at least two man teams so I will be joining you, but I will not be dragging your soggy arse through it."

"What happens if you take longer than ten minutes and I finish do I still have to do it all night?" He said with a cheeky smile.

"Unlikely private. I can complete this course in under eight minutes on my own. NOW MOVE, MOVE, MOVE."

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Merlin was astounded by the amount of sound the normally controlled Captain Pendragon could produce. He instantly started towards the course Captain Pendragon behind me screaming instructions into his ear. He ran the course for about the third time ever with Captain Pendragon beside him. They started with fences, the officers hand touched his back, every touch was too amazing to think that left him just jumping and running for no reason other than to get another touch.

He hated himself for it. Then they reached the wall and Pendragon stood in front of it with is hands cupped. Merlin gulped as he screamed at him to get up the wall.

"I don't know what you want me to do!" He screamed back tears suddenly flowing from his eyes, as he found him self distraught over his failure to please the man stood in front of him.

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He was crying, he had made him cry. Arthur had made hundreds of cadets cry in the past and a few soldiers as well, he had never cared before, but some how the sight of tears on the pale youthful face tore at his heart till he wanted to reach out, wipe them away and pull him in to his arms and comfort him.

He stood in silence for a moment as rain began to pour out of the heavens drenching both of them in seconds.

"Place you foot in my hands then I will lift you and so you can place the the other on my shoulder then I will lift this leg as high as I can so you can reach for the top of the wall and pull yourself up. Once there you lean back and give me a hand to help hoist me up"

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Merlin nodded and place a foot on the offered hands and a hand on hi shoulder from balance putting his face so close to those full lips that he soo wanted to taste as damp golden locks brushed against his fingers. Then suddenly the face contracted with effort as Pendragon lifted him up, remembering what was said he placed his other hand against the wall stepped on to his shoulder feeling wrong for putting mud any where near that divine mop. Pushing upwards he was able to grasp the to of the wall and pull himself up like he was climbing out of a swimming pool.

He looked back.

"Right now put a hand down for me to catch and hold on tight up there." Merlin did so and Watched with wonder as he backed up ran at the wall full pelt leaping and grasping his arm rather than his hand above the elbow almost at the top of the wall. Then with almost no time at all spent dependant on Merlin's arm he swung to get his other hand on the top and pulled himself up.

"There easy." Was all he said. Before dropping off the other side into knee high mud. Merlin followed like a lapdog kicking himself all the way for it.

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Two hours later they finished in time and Merlin collapsed in the rain. Pendragon walked straight past him back into their shared quarters. Merlin stayed on the ground to get a good look at his butt as he walked away.

"What are you doing, Merlin?" Gaius asked as he walked past.

"Oh, nothing. Just going to go have a shower."

"Make sure you remember that Captain Pendragon is your superior officer and that he has licence given by my superior to train you as he sees fit."

"So, don't do anything stupid because your not saving my behind if I do."

"Exactly." He said brightly before walking off. Merlin picked himself up off the ground and followed his commanding officer in the direction of his bathroom.

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Arthur stepped out of the shower as he heard the door open. He had never been one to tarry in the shower. Cold ones in his youth had put him off. He wrapped a towel round his middle and stepped out into the main area of the quarters. He smiled a wry smile at the gapping look on Emrys' face. He remembered the club, Emrys wanted him and despite there being nothing in the military rules about homosexual, now anyway, Emrys was a private under his command. He couldn't get involved and anyway he wouldn't shame his father like that.

He took himself into his room to dry off and get dressed before he had to go to the officers mess.

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Merlin watched the door close and shook himself. That had just been evil. He was now purposely torturing him. He had seen that smile. Captain Pendragon had a sadistic streak wider than any drill sergeant and no morals. Merlin needed his Xbox.

He crept into his own room flicked on his surround sound speakers and TV and put in Call of Duty. It was comforting to watch the machine load and to have the sound blast all thoughts from his head. This was his meditation, his Zen. And right now he needed Zen more than a mouse on speed.

**Kajos: Well thats it for this time. I hope that enough to keep things ticking over. I promise to try for some more updates next week. In the mean time reviews make me happy, and help me to keep writing.**


	6. Arthur's commands

**Kajos: Hows this for updating! I'm getting better! Promise I will try harder as work gets more manageable. Plenty of drooling Merlin in the last one so I think it's time to move on to more interesting things.**

It had been a few weeks and Arthur was pleasantly pleased with Emrys' progress, it was starting to look like they might actually finish sooner than he had though. Emrys was good on fitness and the obstacle course, his hand to hand skills were passable and for the last few days he had had him out on the firing range where he had been bad but not terrible.

He was suspicious though, he knew Emrys had to be up to something, he was following orders, even calling him sir most of the time. It left him on edge, that and the looks he saw from Emrys' work colleges. Small smiles of secrecy. He sat in his rooms most evenings, though the two had been living together for over a month now they didn't really interact over than to pass each other going in or out of the bathroom. I was awkward, the worst part was they both knew. They both knew they were attracted to each other.

None of this was going through Arthurs mind in that moment though. What was going through Arthurs mind in that moment was how the hell he would get Emrys ready for a formal parade and inspection the next day. His quarters were a tip, which Arthur admittedly had let slide because he hadn't wanted to push the boy too much but would need to be perfect for the inspection. First thing he had to do was tell Emrys.

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Merlin didn't know what he was doing anymore, to stat with he had been bidding his time waiting for him to let his guard down but since he had been enjoying himself too much, the way the Captain would smile when he did things right. The way if he tossed Pendragon into the mud during combat he could watch him leaving the shower in just that towel.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He rolled off his unmade bed and stepped over cabling to reach the door and pull it open.

"Hullo." Speak of the devil.

"Emrys a general will be visiting to review your training as well as the rest of the base. You will have these quarters spotless for the inspection and I will be training you in proper drill for the purpose of the visiting Generals inspection. We have till the day after tomorrow."

"Bugger that." Merlin scoffed and went to close the door. He was stopped.

"I'm not joking Emrys, you will clean this place up and you will perform perfectly for the inspection. Your performance is directly reflective of mine and I do not fail." Merlin couldn't get over the fire in his eys at that comment the raw determination was actually scary, he stepped back. "Do you understand?"

* * *

"Do you understand?"

Arthur was amazed by the effect of his voice, for the fist time in his existence Emrys _snapped_ to attention pulling off a smart salut accompanied by a sharp "_Sir, yes sir!"_ Arthur could do nothing more than nod and depart slightly flustered by the reaction. He returned to his own room and tidied it and the communal area till it was as tidy as possible. His father would spot even the smallest problem. Emrys would have to be perfect. Yeah...that wasn't impossible...just highly unlikely.

* * *

Merlin was bored...he had been walking up and down the parade ground all morning with Pendragon droning on at him. He just wasn't attracted to him when he was like this, he was starting to think about making trouble but then his mind flicked back in to focus with a strict command, like something in Pendragon just spoke to him, like a in built command.

* * *

As I said Merlin's birth was not they're only previous meeting. They have met several times before though in unmemorable and seemingly insignificant fashions. The next time they met was in fact five years later. A young Merlin was visiting his father at an airforce base. It was timed to co-inside with an open day and air show. An air show attended by a General and assisted by several local groups of Cubs.

Arthur was on a break but in uniform so still trying his best to act with decorum when suddenly he felt something small hammer into his leg. He looked down to see a small dark haired boy was attached to his leg.

"Umm...I believe thats my leg." The small thing looked up with a oddly pale thin face.

"They're chasing me." It murmured half into the fabric of his trousers.

"Who's chancing you?" He said concernedly

"The other boys." Arthur looked up to see a few other boys getting off the nearby bouncy castle and looking around before observing that the boy on his leg was bare foot. He had no idea what to do so he though about what his father would do.

"Let go and stand up straight." He told the boy firmly. The boy whipped his nose on his arm and did as told. "Now we are going to walk over there and talk to those boys." He placed a hand on the boys shoulder and walked him towards the other boys. They looked up.

"There's the nerd!" One of them shouted as the ran towards them. Arthur put a hand out in front of the boys to stop them.

"Why are you chancing this boy?" He asked calmly.

"He's a nerd! And he broke my walkman!" The leader said. Arthur looked down at him.

"Did you?"

"No, I just made the sound on it better and his headphones were broken by it." Arthur was surprised.

"Did you ask his permission first?"

"No." The boy said sullenly.

"Well, I think you should apologise."

"Sorry." He murmured reluctantly.

"Now, apologise for chasing him, and then you can all go and leave each other alone."

"Sorry." Arthur just nodded and the boys left except for the small dark haired one who once again grasped his leg.

"Thank you, you were great." He said into his leg. Arthur couldn't help but smile.

"Your very welcome." He looked at his watch. He was supposed to be helping clean up in ten minutes. "I have to go now."

"No, don't go. Your nice." The boy sniffed sadly.

"I might see you later okay?"

"Okay." Arthur walked away and the boy barely held back tears, he didn't know why he felt so sad to see him walk away.

**Kajos: I love cute flash backs! Hope you like the update. If so review, or if you don't like it review and tell me what was bad. Oh, and just as a point it's the 15th day of advent so it is only ten days till christmas, so just in case which is unlikely I don't update before then Merry Christmas every one.**


	7. Losing their minds

**Kajos: So I was wrong no update before christmas in fact it's now the new year, so I'm sorry, but here it is an update full of interest.**

It was dark by the time Arthur told Emrys to stand down sending him back to their rooms to tidy up while he went for a hair cut and to pick up his dress uniform from the cleaners. It took him far too long in traffic though to reach the hair dressers and he had to wait for a free spot since he'd missed his appointment. Worst of all though the cleaners had closed by the time he got there so he was not in the best of moods on return to base. Luckily he had a second uniform that with some work would be almost adequate.

* * *

Pendragon could go fuck himself...bad turn of phrase, very bad turn of phrase. No, Pendragon could...could...dammit why did every turn of phrase seem to amount to the same mental image Merlin was already struggling with...take a hike! That was good! Pendragon could take a hike! No way was Merlin going to tidy his room, what was he? Eight? He had a high score to beat, his own to be exact. Which is exactly what he was doing on Pendragon's entrance to his room at ten pm.

…

…

Merlin wanted to cry with fear at thee terrible beauty he saw before him. Rage unknown to man seemed to stream from the man only a few years his senior. Merlin was speechless and distance as his body slammed into the wall his head bouncing worryingly off it twice before the pain burst through his glazed eye replaced by blindness of screaming agony as Pendragon let go and he dropped to the floor boneless.

* * *

Arthur looked in horror at what he had done. He'd wanted to rattle the boy, he had just been so angry. He never listened, he had ordered him to tidy the place and he had ignored him sitting in the filth to play on his Xbox. He hadn't meant to hurt him and once he let go and saw what he'd done panic instantly filled him that he had to save Emrys. Nothing else matter suddenly the generals visit became meaningless to Arthur as he dropped to his knees grabbing Merlin's face and shouting his name.

The ambulance had taken a while to arrive but paramedic had been there in minutes from on base as had the base doctor. They had been called when people had broken down the door at the sound of screaming to discover Arthur screaming and crying over the boy. Someone had tried to pull him way but he had punched them in the face and returned to his subordinates side. Face wet with tears of grief. He had gone with him in the ambulance to the hospital. He was bleeding and there was blood on the wall. No one had asked yet, Arthur knew they would soon. What did he do when they did? Any investigation would instantly bring out the truth of what happened as would Merlin as soon as he woke up. He would wake up...wouldn't he?

* * *

Merlin glanced around the small stone room, no idea where he was, or for that matter what the hell he was wearing. It was cold though and there was a door. What ever happened he had to work out where he was and find Pendragon. He tried the door that swung open freely. The other side there was a large room full of...of Merlin didn't know it was bizarre.

"Merlin! Thought you'd already left! Quick get moving your all ready late! I wouldn't be surprised if Arthur put you in the stocks." General Gaius was stood in the middle of the room in some weird blue robes.

"General?" Gaius who had turned back to what ever he was doing. Looked up at him again.

"What on earth are you blathering about, boy? Get going!" Merlin used to doing as the General said from when he was younger and heard a lot more of the caring tone he used now headed towards the door he had indicated still not sure what was going on.

* * *

Arthur was holding his head when she arrived, holding it so tight just praying he would squeeze back. The General had brought her. He didn't even see her at first until the old man touched his shoulder so he'd look up and see her stood in the door way. He instantly stood up not knowing what to say.

"How is he?" She asked calmly though like Emrys her emotions bled out through her eyes making it painfully clear how upset she was.

"They...they don't know. He has a concussion and isn't responding to stimulus right now but they said he might come out o it in the next day or so."

"might?" Arthur looked to Gaius for support. He just shook his head, it was Arthur's place to tell her.

"He might be in a coma," Arthur took a deep breath and forced himself to meet those eyes as he finished, "he might not awake up ever." She just nodded and stepped round Arthur to take the chair next to her son. Gaius looked pointedly at the door and Arthur followed him out.

"There is blood on the wall Arthur." Arthur didn't ay anything as he sat down waiting for the question. "You two where the only ones in there and there was no sign that Merlin struggled against who ever knocked his head into the wall...what happened?" Those two words just opened the flood gates for Arthur as sobbingly he gave a recount of everything that happened that day. As he finished he felt strong arms close around him and e found himself pulled into a firm but gentle hug. It did so much to sooth him as he cried over his own actions. Once he was composed again he looked up expecting to see Gaius but instead his eyes found the face of Mrs Emrys.

"Don't worry, I don't hate you for what you did. I know my son can be hard to deal with at times and goes out of his way quiet often to rile people up. All I have to do is look at you now to know you care about my son and never meant to hurt him." Arthur stared up at Gaius unbelievingly.

"Hunith is a very good judge of character Arthur, and a wonderful soul in that she doesn't hold things against people." Arthur's expression didn't change. "I know it takes some getting used to."

"Oh, I don't know Gaius, I've held grudges before."

"Please don't remind me about that, I've said I was sorry a hundred times and I'm scarred for life. I would have thoguh that would be enough fr you woman."

"It is Gaius," she said with an evil smile, "and I must return to my son." She said standing and going inside.

"What happens now then Gaius?" Arthur asked tiredly.

"Well, Arthur, what you did count as vicious assault. It a Court Marshal offence, and no matter how little anyone wishes to press charges I have a duty to discipline you at least for fighting. Which means that tomorrow this whole thing will be reported to the General."

"I don't care anymore, Gaius. Emrys started out as an assignment for me but he's more than that. He's my responsibility, it was my duty to keep him safe and to train him. I failed him on both counts, I hurt him and didn't teach him enough to be able to stop me hurting him."

"Well in that case I have a fit punishment, when you complete you current assignment Arthur I have another for you. One I have yet to find any kind of willing volunteer for and there for I assign to you as disciplinary action for what occurred tonight, as is with in my rights as your commanding officer seeing as you have admitted to the guilt of your actions. I see no reason for this matter to be investigated any further and I'm sticking to that." He said in his formal voice.

"Request permission to be relieved of duty until such a time as Emrys is fit to return to duty?" Arthur asked wanting to stay with the boy.

"Request denied Captain. I require you to remain here and continue in your role as body guard to Private Merlin Emrys. Look after the boy."

"Yes sir." He said with a small smile. He would look after Merlin for as long as he had too.

**Kajos: Wow, I just checked my word count. Not bad if I say so myself for this chapter, hope that makes up a bit for how long it took to update. Just to say though, I would have updated sooner if people had reviewed more! Nah, I'm kidding, I've been really busy and thank you to everyone who reviewed. Please do so again, I don't tire of hearing from you.**


	8. Everything under control

**Kajos: I'll admit, I've had nothing to do today, so you all get another update. I swear, this won't continue. As of tomorrow you'll be lucky if I update for a week. Pending anything else after that I should be a bit better with the updates. As always though, no promises.**

Merlin wandered through the stone castle corridors very lost. People were all wearing these old cloths and a of of them rolled their eyes at him and one had told him he was in trouble this time, like e should know what he was talking about. Eventually he found him self in a wide spacious corridor being approached by a very annoyed looking captain pendragon. Merlin was about to make a sarcastic comment when he saw the mans firm grip on a sword at his side and decided it might be best not to say anything.

"So, Merlin. What is it this time? Because I went to see Gaius, he tells me you left there an hour ago with no chores from him. Which makes me wonder what could possibly be so important that you failed to attend on your prince despite having no other work?"

"P....P...Prince?" Merlin stuttered.

"You haven't developed a stutter now have you? Because really there's no need you already won the worst servant in camelot award just as you were." Servant? What was he on about?

"Sir?"

"It's sire Merlin. You could at least get it right when you do remember to use it." Arthur put his face in his palm. "You know what Merlin, I really don't care, just return to my chambers now and make my bed, their laundry on the floor and my boots need cleaning." Merlin was completely confused as he followed the captain, or prince as he seemed to be here. Merlin's genius brain whirred into action, this had to be a less developed alternative reality. Thats what it must be. But if so...how did he get back?

* * *

Arthur slept in a chair that night, less slept though as cat napped waking every time someone entered the room no matter how quiet they were and every time the sounds of merlin's machines changed. Come morning he was no worse rested than normally as he didn't stop napping till nine rather than his normal five o'clock wake up.

He checked the stats hadn't changed and waited for the nurses to come check on his while he went to the loo and got something to eat. When he returned he moved over to the bed and picked up one of the books Merlin's mum had left for him incase he woke up and started to read it to him.

"There was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife. The knife had a handle of polished black bone, and a blade finer and sharper than any it sliced you, you might not even know you had been cut, not immediately." The door opened and Arthur's eyes were instantly on the opening where Gaius stepped to one side to show the visiting General.

Arthur put the book down and slowly drew himself up into a straight backed standing position and saluted. The man looked on disapprovingly at how slowly he acted.

"Captain, I heard about the...incident and felt I should come and offer my condolences to all involved."

"That was very kind of you, sir. I'm afraid Private Emrys mother is not here at this time and will most likely be returning this evening when she finishes work."

"Yes, I can see she is absent. When will disciplinary proceedings be taking place?" He asked looking at Gaius.

"I have already dealt with that, General. Captain's Pendragon's punishment will be fitting to the situation."

"Well, very good. I will ask the doctor about the Privates treatment then." He stepped out the room and instead two girls surged in.

"Arthur!" Morgana cried pulling her step brother into a hug. "Just ignore Uther, you know he refuses my offer to pay to get that sick removed from his arse." Arthur just smiled, this had been an on going joke with Morgana. They broke apart and Arthur smiled at Gwen.

"Hey, Gwen, it's nice to see you." Suddenly all those things he had always felt around the sweet shy girl were gone, she was a friend and nothing more. Even more oddly, he didn't care.

"Hi, Arthur." Morgana jumped back in always the centre of attention of any room.

"So this is the genius they've got you training?" She said looking at Merlin.

"Yeah, um, Morgana...Gwen, this is Merlin Emrys."

"He looks so young...not that he is young...or too young to be in the army....by which I mean the airforce...which makes no difference because he's still obviously old enough...I'll just be quiet." Arthur and Morgana chuckled, Gwen always had her little outbursts like that. Arthur couldn't leave so Morgana and Gwen headed out to do some shopping while Arthur picked up the book again.

"The knife had done almost everything it was brought to that house to do..."

**(A/N: Possible prize for anyone who can identify the book)**

* * *

As they entered Arthur "chambers" Merlin marvelled that this person could have any connection at all to Captain Pendragon. This place was a tip with sheets a mess, cloths thrown on the floor the floor had muddy prints on it and a try of food sat on the side half eaten. Pendragon strolled over to a chair and relaxed into it.

"Well, get to work." He said haughtily. Unsure and still a little concerned by the sword stared to at least pick up the clothes. Arthur was helpful only in insults that in a sideways manner told him what on earth he was supposed to be doing until the room was cleared. "Right, now that you've finally finished that, you can help me dress for the feast this evening." Help him dress! There was an offer Merlin wasn't going to turn up, if this Arthur looked anything like as gorgeous as Captain Pendragon under his cloths then it would be a pleasure.

The prince stepped towards his wardrobe and removed some things throwing them at Merlin before raising his arms bit his lip stepping forward to undo the laces on the front of his shirt. "Why the sudden shyness? Not like you haven't seen it all before." He said with a mischievous smile. Merlin swallowed speeding up a little, he gingerly pulled the shirt out of the trousers and off over Arthur's head. He held his breath trying to keep himself from running his hands over the bronzed skin as he began looking for how the trousers were held up. He found ties at the side and fumbled with the knots. "Merlin, do get on with it. I have to get to this feast before it ends." He closed his eyes and undid the knots quickly by feel. Then with out thinking too much pulled down the trousers. "Not to nit pick Merlin, but it would be easier with out my belt on." Merlin was forced to look up at him wearing nothing more than a loincloth and his sword belt.

Merlin removed it quickly before grabbing the smooth red trousers that looked a little small for the prince but he chose not to question as he pulled them up the long muscled legs. And finished up by pulling the embroidered red and black shirt over his head.

* * *

Arthur barely left his side and asked to have his paper work delivered to the hospital so he could work on it there while he watched desperately for any sign of life returning to the boy.

**Kajos: Well, I hoped you liked it. I promise much slashiness in the next chapter so if your put off by that sort of thing don't read on though I hope you do. Reviews welcomed and enjoyed, thanks you for all the story alerts and favs I've had already on this story and I hope you continue to enjoy it.**


	9. Falling apart

**Kajos: Lot of thought going in to this update and I'm afraid there won't be another one that soon either. **

Arthur was living in the hospital keeping an eye on Merlin. Gaius had reinforced his orders that first day that Arthur was to guard the sleeping boy, he had even assigned people to stand watch outside the room. Arthur got the feeling that there might be more to everything than he knew. Morgana and Gwen had left after a few days. Gwen had seem disappointed that Arthur hadn't flirted with her in his normal nervous way. The worst thing was Arthur knew Merlin would hate him when he woke up. Only there was nothing Arthur could do. He had got to know Merlin's mother quiet well over the couple of weeks he had been stuck by the bed. She was a lovely woman, he still didn't understand her acceptance of him but just went with it.

Every night sat starring at the bed with tears in his eyes that another day had passed and there was nothing he could do to bring back the lively young man who had made feel like he was doing the right thing for once rather than just his duty.

* * *

Merlin followed Arthur back to his rooms as he left the feast. The prince had caught his eye as they were leaving with a look that implied this was expected of him. As they stepped into the princes room Arthur pushed the door closed behind them backing Merlin up against it.

"You were rather reserved earlier." The blonde said a hungry smile on his face the confused Merlin until the blonde tilted his head and kissed him on the mouth pulling back when Merlin didn't respond. "What has got into you today, Merlin?" Merlin shook his head, what was he doing turning down this blonde god?

"Sorry, sire." He moved in for to kiss him but Arthur pulled his head back.

"Arthur, Merlin, it's Arthur when we're _alone_." He said alone as though he meant something else. His eyes filled with concern for his strangely acting man servant.

"_Arthur"_ Merlin whispered in a husky tone that Arthur didn't question excepting the kiss as finally things wen back to normal. Starting with soft kisses before they began tugging at each others clothes ad shirts disappeared so hands could rove their bodies Merlin marvelling in the body he had seen so many times but never been able to touch so intimately before.

* * *

Arthurs heart pounded with hope as the doctors said that all signs showed the Merlin was getting better despite all appearances and that they hoped he would come out of the coma in another few days. His mother was very pleased.

"That's wonderful! He can go back to his work. I hoping this young captain will soon have him ready to complete his work. He does so want to finish it." The cryptic sentence puzzled Arthur. He knew there was something merlin could do on the front lines that no one else could be he still had no idea what. He had asked Gaius but had had no reply. What ever it was it was so far above his security clearance it was in space. He would just try to complete his job with out maiming the boy further or causing him added distress.

* * *

Merlin couldn't believe he was currently propped up over Captain Pendragon, Arthur, both of them completely naked and sweating from foreplay. Merlin reached down with oiled fingers and pushed one into the man. This was like a wet dream but soo real as the prince swallowed under him begging him for another finger. He obliged scissoring them though he hardly needed to as he was able to add a third with very little trouble. The prince was quiet but soo expressive it was ironic since he was so free with the orders normally but here he was at Merlin's mercy.

* * *

Arthur had run out of books to read to Merlin a while back and gone to town and bought a couple he though he would like. They, like the others were a bit odd and not the sort of thing Arthur normally read, military historical fiction. He'd always liked Sharpe himself. But that wasn't Merlins style so here he was reading sci-fi to someone who most likely couldn't even here him.

* * *

As Merlin slide into the blonde with one firm stroke he marvelled at the tight heat and how comfortable he felt inside him. It was extraordinary, he'd been with a few men before but none had ever felt this good. Then Arthur bucked his hims causing him to groan deeply before moving. He started slowly just drinking in the sensation.

"For god's sake move faster." Arthur said sounding desperate. Merlin obliged as Arthur pulled him in to a melting kiss, the increased speed was trying on Merlin as pressure built and he gasped in to Arthurs mouth and Arthur gasped back.

"Hell, Arthur I'm going to come." Arthur yelled as Merlin spilled inside him a burning sensation filled his eyes briefly before arthur screamed. Merlin was limp but moved away quickly looking to see what had caused the scream.

Every candle in the room was light and the fire was blazing in the heath. None of them had been lit before. Arthur shoved him away screaming something at him.

"You're a sorcerer! What kind of enchantment have you put on me? What was your plan in camelot?" He threw him from the day and then followed him picking him up of the floor by his throat. Merlin struggled limply to spent by sex to put up more resistance. Arthur slammed him head against the wall and suddenly Merlin remembered that look, that rage. He remembered Captain Pendragon in his room back at the base. With a second slam against the wall the world went black.

* * *

Arthur sat next to the bed quiet and thinking as Merlin began to move twisting under his sheets. Arthur jumped to his feet and went to the door sending one of the guards to get a doctor before returning to the bed.

"Merlin? Merlin? Can you hear me? Emrys?" Merlin mumbled something. Arthur wanted to shake him! Then the doctor walked in and saw him.

"Merlin? Merlin can you hear us?" He pulled his torch out and lifted an eye lid to shine the torch in only to have a suddenly awake merlin whack his hand away with a groan.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried happily. Merlin turned to look at him and his eyes turned to stone while his mouth settled into a sneer.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Arthur stepped back. He had known this would happen but it still hurt. After nearly three weeks of sitting at his bedside ArthurCouldn't face an awake Merlin and left the room to phone his mother and tell her her son had woken up.

Hunith of course came instantly closely followed by the General, who Arthur had also phoned. When they arrived Merlin was alone and Arthur was stood on guard outside. Hunith stopped by him.

"Dear, what on earth are you doing out here?" she said gently. Arthur kept on his stone faced soldier mask.

"He doesn't want me in there with him. My duty is to protect him and I can do that from out here." Hunith sighed and shook her head a little before moving past him into the room. Gaius stopped by him.

"Well, Pendragon. I will be transferring someone to train Emrys. You are now relieved of that duty. Instead I'm putting you in charge Inventory of supplies for the base. It's been a bit lax latly and someone needs to take charge of it. Particularly the stationary. Paperclips every where." Arthur tried very hard not to react to the fact that he had just been turfed to counting supplies for the next six months.

"I'll have my things moved as soon as I return." Gaius smiled at that.

"No need for that. I'm not moving your housing assignment. I need someone in there to make sure Emrys isn't killed in the night."

"Surely his new instructor would be capable of that."

"No, I think it was a mistake to house the two of you together. I think though give the change in the situation you can now remain as you are." Arthur said nothing for a while.

"Permission to stand down?"

"Granted. You may have two day leave before beginning your new assignment." Arthur saluted then left.

**Kajos: Yep, well it's an update. Reviews welcomed as is constructive critism.**


	10. Amazingly shit

**Kajos: Sorry, about it being so long for this update. I've just been thinking about it and updating other fanfics. Here it is though. Enjoy.**

Its amazing how easy it is to avoid someone living opposite you. Arthur had taken to working at night so he wouldn't meet the boy. He would get up at six in the evening, have breakfast and then go to work, counting boxes, processing orders and otherwise boring himself to death before going for a run then working out and returning home for a shower ad sleep at around eight in the morning by which point the private had left. The only time he caught glimpses of him was when he attended anger management sessions in the afternoon. He kept an eye on him though checking back at midnight when he stopped for lunch to make sure he was safe in bed and placing his desk facing the window so he'd see anyone suspicious entering his quarters. It was amazing how easy it was to avoid someone for three months...

* * *

Its amazing how hard it is to forget. Merlin had barely seen Pendragon for three months. He had been sat there when he woke up but since then all he had seen of him was at a distance occasionally in the afternoons while he was training. Merlin was glad, that git could have killed him, over an untidy room! Soon he would never have to see him again. But he couldn't forget him. Couldn't forget his coma, his prince. The heat, their lips crushed together, to cum inside him. He replayed it every night in his dreams, only in his dreams afterwards the captain pulled him close and held him and he felt safe at last. He knew that wasn't what had happened but every morning he woke with a raging hard on because of the dreams. He remembered what Arthur had really done to him. Its amazing how hard it is to forget.

* * *

Arthur had his pistol as he checked the rooms at one in the morning before hearing a sound and a quiet "shit" from Merlin's room. The voice was unfamiliar, he slammed the door open turning on the light and instantly pointing the gun on the stranger stood next to a sleeping Merlin.

"Hands up!" He shouted. Merlin groaned loudly while the young man shouted to Arthur to calm down. Merlin looked around from where he was lying sleepily on the bed.

"Captain?"

"You. Move away from the bed."

"Merlin, could you please talk to this guy." The kid said.

"Captain, how often do terrorists or kidnappers walk around in their boxers? Captain, Will. Will, Captain Pendragon. He's here by my invitation. Any way, what are you doing here." Arthur lowered his weapon.

"Oh, I was just grabbing some sweats for my morning run."

"I you decided to charge in on me and my boy friend why?" Arthur felt not rage in his chest but like his heart had been ripped out as he spotted the fact that someone had been sleeping next to Merlin and there was a smell of sex in the air.

"I just heard a stranger in here. I thought you were being attacked."

"Well thanks but you weren't in here was I was fine." Merlin rolled back over and seemed to go back to sleep. Will just looked at the rather intimidating Captain.

"Umm...can I go to the toilet now?" Arthur just starred at a moment at the rather dense and pimply youth wondering what on earth could attract Merlin to him before shaking his head and walking out the rooms and back to work holding back tears with years of practise.

* * *

Merlin didn't understand why he felt so guilty for what had just happened. It wasn't his fault Arthur was trigger happy and obsessive. It wasn't like he wasn't allowed to bring his boyfriend back to base if he wanted to. Plus he hadn't even been pushing it in his face. He knew Arthur worked nights and so had assumed that when Will left the next day Arthur would never know. He hadn't really wanted Arthur to know. The look in his eyes when he had called Will his boyfriend you'd think he was cheating on him. There had been that moment in the club but really, they had never been involved. They had had nothing. Arthur had smashed his head into a wall for gods sake! He deserved to feel bad. Merlin just felt guilty about the whole thing. The room and bed hadn't been cleaned at all before he and Will had fallen into bed and he knew that Arthur knew he was sleeping with Will. Then again he'd always known Merlin was gay and there was nothing wrong with it. This wasn't american military, homosexuals were allowed.

But why did he feel like shit?

Will walked back in and climbed back into bed behind Merlin and wrapped his thin arms around Merlin's waist sticking his nose in the crook of his neck, not at all how he imagined Athur would old him and he let out a sigh before focusing on his boy friend as he tried to sleep hoping to forget his former captain.

* * *

Arthur couldn't believe it. He knew he had no right to feel like this but he just wanted to end it. He felt like he had lost a battle he hadn't even known he was fighting. Sure he had wanted to sleep with Merlin and cared about his welfare but he didn't love him. It had been nothing most than lust and duty, or so he'd thought. But now he felt like such shit thinking of him with that boy... He buried himself in his work sitting on the other side of his desk as night became day and he kept going refusing to go home. Where ever that was anymore.

**Kajos: Sorry, it's a short one. But this is a good place to stop.**


	11. Standing on Ceremony

**Kajos: Really sorry, I'm just loosing motivation a bit with this fic and I've had coursework and exam to stay on top of. This chapter should be interesting…I once again as at the start have no idea where it's going but I'm sure it will pan out into something. Enjoy!**

Arthur was dreaming a dream he would forget on waking but what he dreamt of was probably the most important moment in his life. His first and forgotten kiss…

So Arthur had been a bit of a looser at school, too focused to ever go on dates no matter how many girls asked him and arriving at Uni had been weird but this was even weirder he had finally given in after three years and gone to a piss up. He was drunk off his head and had no idea where he was anymore but didn't care he was having fun. He was dancing and drinking and finally letting go. He was grinding on someone he hadn't even seen their face yet but he knew the guy was as drunk as him and went willingly when they dragged him to the side of the room as the son ended, he turned and pulled Arthur against him. Looking at his face the kid seemed far too young to be at Uni but Arthur was too drunk to think all that much about it as he starred at those full lips moving hypnotising as he felt a hand winding round the back of his neck pulling him down until their lips met and Arthur marvels at the electrical feeling and the pressure on his lips. Then he felt the boys tongue push against his lips almost hesitantly and opened his mouth. His first kiss was a whirlwind as th dark haired beauty swept his tongue around his mouth bring groans from his and turning his legs to Jelly before suck his tongue into his own mouth so he could explore for himself. It seemed to be for ever before they came back up for air.

It was both boys first kiss having accidentally ended up at the same party pissed off their heads Arthur aged 21 and Merlin still a sweet sixteen in his last year of his doctorate having started the year before. They had been each others fist kiss even though neither remembered latter that they'd even kissed someone that night, destiny knew and because destiny was patient it waited.

* * *

Arthur jerked awake as a hand shook his shoulder he looked up at Lieutenant Lancelot who had brought him that message on the first day and had since become a good friend for the man.

"Sir, you really need to stop working yourself to death like this. That's the fourth tie this week I've found you passed out on your desk." Arthur murmured something about having lots of work. "And you missed your anger management session."

"I think I've had all the anger ripped out of me."

"Arthur," Lancelot said slipping into friend mode, "Talk to me, the last three weeks all you've done is sit in here in the dark curtains closed and facing away from the window working yourself to death making work for your self that doesn't exist. Your not exercising anymore, you almost never go back to you quarters accept to shower though we're all grateful for is not enough down time. Your falling to pieces."

"What day is it?" Lancelot gave him an 'are-you-even-listening-to-me' look.

"It's Friday."

"the?"

"16th. Why? What does the date matter?"

"Shit!" Arthur leapt to his feet rushing out the room.

* * *

Merlin was stood in front of the mirror in his dress uniform. He had done it. He had finished his training and today was the day he was promoted to an officer. In another week he would be shipping out. He hadn't told Will but he knew that it was only a casual thing and that Merlin wasn't serious. He and Will were just fuck buddies. That was it maybe back those few weeks Merlin had though of him as a boyfriend but in the last weeks he had grown up and realised they didn't have feelings for each other really. He remembered talking to Will about it. They had been friends since they were six and Merlin had been moved up a year into Will's class. They'd come out the closet to each other and but they were friends, that was it.

He knew that al least now the only person he could have an actually relationship was Arthur but he also knew that that was the last thing he could do as well. So until he got over Pendragon it was always going to be casual. Hopefully leaving the country for a war zone would help him get over him. Or at least keep him too distracted to think about having to stop himself saying Arthur's name every time he came.

He shook himself, he had a meet/ceremony to get to, and thinking anymore about Captain Arthur Pendragon was not helpful to that goal.

* * *

Arthur stood at the back instead of with the offices filled with pride as he watched the ceremony and glared at his replacement as Merlin trainer. The smart part of him was glad of this because soon Merlin would be leaving; the other part was the part that was killing him though because he was going to loose Merlin from his life. Which made no sense because Merlin had never been in his life, his life though had revolved around Merlin's though for what seemed like so long that Arthur was lost with out him.

As the ceremony finished Arthur left the base. He had plenty of free time built up after the last three weeks and planned to spend that time buried in first a bottle and then who ever he could find. He knew it was stupid to just go out get pissed and sleep with a stranger but right not it looked a lot better than the barrel of his gun which was his back up plan.

* * *

Merlin hugged his mother.

"I'm proud of you son." She said, "Where was Captain Pendragon though?"

"I wouldn't know mum." She gave him a sad look.

"Merlin, you maybe a genius but sometimes you are still so ignorant." Merlin raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Any way what are you doing to celebrate?"

"I don't know, probably go into town with Will." Shed rolled her eyes.

"Well. I'll just go have a drink with Gaius, you boys have fun."

"We're hardly boys any more mum." She gave him a pointed look and left to go get changed out of his dress uniform into something more suitable for clubbing, he rang Will on the way planning to meet round his in an hour or so.

**Kajos: That's it! I leave you with suicidal Arthur and a celebrating Merlin. Review please I need compulsion to continue this story. **


	12. Can't quite think

**Kajos: I'm not sure how this chapter goes or where it ends but I'm sure some thing will happen and I'll leave you waiting for an ending which I'm not sure I can ever write.**

Lancelot breathed easy as he stepped into the pub at ten in the morning and finally saw the back of the captain. He hadn't been answering his phone when he started trying to call him at 6 am. He paused a few feet away. The man stank of booze, he had to have been drinking since yesterday afternoon, and Lancelot shook it off though and moved forward.

"Arthur." There was no reaction. He looked at the barman. "How many has he had?" The barman shrugged

"Only a couple but I think he's had more else where." Lancelot gave him a disapproving look.

"You should have cut him off."

"Look, if he was violent or disturbing people, or in danger or alcohol poisoning I would but he just sits there nursing a pint." The barman moved away and Lancelot reached round and pulled the drink away from the Captain. That got his attention as he looked to see who it was.

"Arthur, I need to talk to you. You need to listen." He didn't seem to understand just stared at the beer. "Arthur I need you to look at me." He did but his eyes were unfocused. "Oh for god sake Arthur! It's about Emrys!" When even that got no reaction he shouted. "Merlin's been kidnapped!" Something about that made sense to Arthur.

"What?" He asked eyes suddenly focused on his face.

"At six this morning we had a call. People demanding we send Merlin's work to them or he dies." It was like watching a pint of coffee, a kebab, three bottles of water and a medical does of painkillers go through him in a moment as Arthur instantly sobered.

"Who the hell let that happen?" He seethed standing and paying his tab.

"He had the afternoon off, we can't be certain they even have him." Arthur nodded at this relaxing just a little.

"Okay, you better drive. Lets head for base. I'll make some calls." As they got in the car Arthur dialled Hunith.

"Hello?"

"Hunith, It's Captain Pendragon."

"Arthur, I was sorry not to see you yesterday."

"Hunith, yesterday, did Merlin go home after ceremony?"

"No, he said he was going to go out on the town with Will. Why? Has he missed a meeting or something? He always is useless after a night out."

"Thank you very much Hunith."

"Your welcome Captain Pendragon." Arthur hung up on the slightly concerned mother. He thought, He didn't know Will's number but he knew he lived over on the counsil estate opposite.

"Change of plan Lancelot. Head for the estate, the one by the Donut." Lancelot didn't ask why just turned off the round about. When they got there Arthur realised this was stupid. He hadn't a clue where he was going. He rang Hunith back.

"Hello?"

"Sorry, Captain Pendragon again. Where exactly does Will live?"

"He didn't come back? Honestly that boy really needs to be more responsible at times."

"He does his best, Hunith, but where does Will live?" She finally gave the address and Arthur managed to say good-bye and hang up. He was already getting out the car as put the mobile back in his pocket. He and Lancelot head up to Will's flat. Arthur nocks. It's a few minutes before there's an answer, a few weird minutes standing in the hallway of a council block.

"Yeah?"

"Is Merlin here?" Arthur asked.

"What? Oh, your that insane bloke with the gun." Lancelot gave Arthur a look which he avoided.

"Merlin. When did you last see him?" Lancelot asked trying to get the boy back on point.

"Git was supposed to come round last night. I waited up for ages. Didn't even drop me a text." Arthur was dieing.

"So when did you last talk to him."

"He rang me up yesterday, said he'd be round in an hour and we should head in to town and stuff."

"But he never showed?"

"Nah." Arthur blew out a breath in annoyance.

"Thanks" He said and then left, Lancelot followed him leaving Will looked rather confused and uncertain as to whether or not that had just happened. One thing was for sure, between Merlin making that phone call after the ceremony and an hour later, something happened. Meaning he was most likely stolen out from under their noses from the rooms where if Arthur had been following his normal routine would have been sleeping, gun next to bed, ready to act if anything were to happen.

Merlin woke up slowly, well he sort of woke up, he also sort of didn't he hovered on that brink when you've opened your eyes but your not really taking anything in and nothing ever quiet makes sense.

He knew something was wrong though because he should be more awake than this. He hadn't had anything to drink to cause this. Why hadn't he had a drink? He and Will were supposed to be going out but he hadn't gone out with Will. He hadn't seen Will yesterday. Why hadn't he seen Will yesterday? Cause he'd never got to Will's. He only gone to take a shower and change though first. Why hadn't he got to Wills? Because he'd never got changed or finished his shower even. What had interrupted his shower? And why the hell was he having to use this round about thought process to think? The shower door had opened while he was in there and he'd jumped into the wall and hit his head. Had he knocked himself out? No, he hadn't hit it that hard. No, there had been a gun and a popping sound _then_ he had passed out.

He didn't feel dead though or like he'd been shot. So it must have been a dart of something, that's why he couldn't think! It all made sense now. But why did some one dart him? That didn't make sense at all. Why would someone want to knock him out in the shower? He wasn't in the shower now. He'd been knocked out in the shower, but he'd been moved. So they'd wanted to move him. But where? Why? Who were they? He was beginning to panic but his body wasn't, just his mind, it was like his body couldn't do anything other than what it was already doing. He needed help. He needed his mind back so he could think!

**Kajos: Well…stuff happened and I left you sat on the side of that nice cliff. Not sure what's at the bottom but it'll certainly be interesting…the bottom of cliffs normally are.**


	13. Discoveries

**Kajos: Still not certain how this is going to go but I'm getting there so…**

Arthur entered a room on base people where everywhere coordinating the search for the boy Gaius looked up as Arthur approached.

"Boy, you stink of booze. Your no use to us."

"He was taken from base between the end of the ceremony and an hour later."

"How did you figure that one?"

"I found out for Hunith he was supposed to go round Will's and Will said he never turned up. If we go up to our rooms I bet you'll find signs of a struggle."

"We did. Fine, your sober enough to stay. It took us three hours to put all that together."

"I only told him half an hour ago." Lancelot told their CO. Gaius nodded.

"So far we just have an anonymus email and a missing Merlin, the email was sent from a web café in france but that's meaningless. They could have someone over there waiting to send the message so we don't expect much from that route of enquiries."

"Gaius, what is it that they want Merlin for?"

"I'm surprised this is the first time you've asked."

"It's the first time I've needed to know to carry out my job to the best of my ability." Gaius nodded and led him to his office waving him inside.

"Spill what is it Merlin's invented?"

"Merlin's invention could revolutionise modern warfare. Reduce casualties to zero on whatever side had it. The problem is that it's about twenty years off being operational in the field; there is no interface on it over than the basic code which requires huge amounts of input that should come from other devises Merlin hasn't managed to effectively incorporate yet. The only person capable of using it is Merlin. Unfortunately certain people want it out in the field now. In two weeks Merlin was supposed to ship out with a small unit of SAS with the idea that they would transport him and protect him as far as possible, then he would just have to run the devise."

"What is it Gaius?"

"A pulse weapon, Pendragon. Knocks out all electrical appliances, but its pin point accurate and require no more than a solar panel to function. With out communications our enemies would be useless. It's secondary function is the real clincher. Heat pulses that can ignite gun powder in a gun from half a mile away.

"Shit." Was all Arthur could say having been raised in the military he instantly saw the hundreds of applications for such a weapon. Gauis just nodded. "He really is a genius. It's stupid though, one of those weapons won't make any difference. We need Merlin here finishing designing it so that we can have a useful weapon not risking the only person who might be able to make it work in a war zone."

"Your father disagrees."

* * *

He was scared…so scared. They were shouting at him, screaming at him. They had searched his room. He still couldn't think properly and they were screaming at him.

"You like dick! `Hey! Faggot! Answer! Do you like dick?" His mind muddled all he could think was _Fucking homophobes_ and be terrified at what they'd do to him. One of them grabbed his hair and pulled him up till he was kneeling. He unzipped his trousers and pulled his dick out. Another leaned down to speak in his ear.

"Go on faggot suck him off. " The other man might not be gay but based on his hard-on his was getting off on the power of the situation. Merlin though didn't move. Someone slapped him and he reluctantly opened his mouth. He'd never done this, Will didn't like blow jobs if they could be fucking instead and he hadn't been with anyone else long enough to be comfortable that seemed so intimate, even more so than penetration. As the meaty cock was pushed in to his mouth he tried to pull away from the taste and smell of it. The hand in his hair though held him still and pushed him closer till the thing was so deep his was gagging around it.

"Shit! God!" the guy said above him as his throat churned around the foreign object then suddenly it was too much and the guy was pulling out swearing, as Merlin was sick on the floor.

His foot came up and hit his face and he fell back into a black hole acid from his own sick burning his throat.

* * *

Arthur hung up the phone and smiled. They had tracked down the guy in France and were pulling his phone messages in hopes of back tracking to the people here.

"Hold in there Merlin. I'm coming for you. I'm coming."

**Kajos: Short I know but poor Merlin, I'm really starting to feel bad for being this mean to him but don't worry, it shouldn't be much longer. I might update again tomorrow. Please review! **


	14. Planning pain

**Kajos: Not sure I feel like saying anything. Enjoy.**

Merlin woke in agony, he felt like he'd had seven kinds of shit beat out of him. He opened a swollen eye and starred at the carpet in front of him. His shoulders were on fire. He tried to move them and pain lanced down his entire arm. His hands were tied up behind his back. Good. Well not good but at least he had enough awareness to work that out. Next he moved his left leg a little and gasped in pain as the movement nudged something buried inside him. God it was huge. Someone chuckled from else where in the room,

"Like that do you queer? Our employer says we can't kill you but he also said to have as much fun as we like with you in the mean time." Merlin's vision was burred by the tears of pain gathering in his eyes. He turned his head to look at the speaker but the room was gloomy and he couldn't make out what he looked like exactly.

"Wha…wha…wha" he gasped unable to speak through the pain he was now completely focused on.

"What?" The man told the youth glee fully. "Well, we couldn't go shopping so we had a look in the cupboards and someone had kindly left us some Pringles, with a few alterations we were able to throw something together." Merlin just starred at him in horror. What kind of sick bastard was he?

*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*

Arthur showered and changed quickly downing a few cups of coffee as he went. He had convinced Gaius to let him head up the team they were sending out as soon as they had a position on Merlin. Full force had been authorised so he grabbed his pistol and went to his normal place of work to pick up some extra firepower. Having done so he reported to the meeting room where he found the rest of his team and several intelligence guys. They had blueprints of a building on the wall and were waiting to brief them on what they knew.

It annoyed Arthur but like everyone else in the room he knew what came of bad planning. So he sat and listened to them tell him all about the cameras in the hall way. The wooden doors with hinges on the left hand side. The fact that they opened inwards. All those little details that would get them in there microseconds faster. Get him to Merlin microseconds faster.

*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*

Someone else entered the room and laughed at him stretched out naked cheeks glistening with tears.

"Awake I see. Well that good because you're going to start talking to us. You see we want to know more about your little project. Where were the going to send you?" _What the hell?! _Merlin's mind screamed. _They want to know my travel plans!_

"Who were they going to target with your smart little weapon?"

"How the hell should I know?" Merlin grated out. "I'm not a soldier."

"Ah but they were training you to be one. That makes us think they needed you to use the weapon." Merlin didn't answer so the figure moved away from the door coming closer to him. He bent over so he was looming over Merlin. "Now don't go all quiet on us. Or we'll have to make you squeak some other way." He said seriously. "So where were you going?" Merlin stead fastly refused to answer and suddenly the man kicked out at the end of what ever was in him causing him to scream. Not a short scream one that went on until Merlin had nothing left in him to scream with and it diminished to sobs. "There now was that better?" The man mocked. Merlin just wanted it to all go away. He wanted to be safe, where was everyone?

*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*

_Please be okay. Please. _Arthur prayed in the back of the van approached the end of the long drive way that lead to the house in the middle of no where that was supposed to have been abandoned.

**Kajos: Yeah…not sure what happen there other than the urge to completely destroy Merlin so Arthur could be really cute later. Sorry. Review if you hate me.**


	15. Waiting rooms

**Kajos: Sorry this took forever to update. I've been a bit caught up in another fanfiction. I promise to finish this one but I think this will be my last story of this fandom for a while. I still love it but right now I can't think I can do better with one story at a time and making them really good.**

The doors opened in front of Arthur as he murmured commands into his radio. He felt detached as his body went on automatic. It was the only way he could do this with out charging forward and running to Merlin's side and kill anyone who got in the way. His mind was yelling at him to move fast, that they must have got Merlin killed with how sloppy that last door was. Meanwhile the moments stretched to eternity.

They hadn't heard them coming. There were four of them on the couch, Arthur didn't see. He was already clearing the next room. A kitchen, the draws and cupboards had been ransacked. No Merlin. A Bathroom. Merlin's clothes on the floor. They were ripped and bloody. He had to block it out. No Merlin. A Bedroom. It was dark, people. One sat in a chair on the other side of the room. The curtains were drawn and the other stood over a naked figure on the floor, which was sobbing in agony. Merlin.

The man was pointing a gun at him. His friend in the chair had been shot in the forehead.

"Hello. You must be the Hero." Arthur didn't say anything. "Heroes are always so dense. What you fail to realise is there is no solution. I have the gun. I will shoot him. Now you can claim that I won't because I need him but even if that's true I have other options. His foot lashed out and kicked something that was stuck in Merlin. He screamed, ripping Arthur to pieces and replacing it with rage.

He had a gun in his hand and he fired it. The man's yell was nothing on Merlin's as he dropped his gun. A bullet had pierced his wrist. Arthur only spared one thought for the man before he moved on. _Thank god he's a professional. _If it weren't for the fact that he had left his finger laying along the trigger guard instead of on the trigger then the man would have just shot Merlin. That didn't matter though. Someone would be sorting him. Merlin was all that mattered now.

He went to him falling to his knees. He was still screaming. Screaming like an animal.

"Merlin?" He begged, praying he would hear him. He touched his shoulder and lifted, pulling Merlin towards him. The screaming got worse and Arthur let go. He couldn't do anything. He stared at the man in so much pain in front of him and starred at the bruises and blood and that thing in Merlin's arse. It was a fucking Pringles can. He starred at it. They hadn't been taught this in first aid. He didn't know what to do. Why the hell hadn't they taught him what to do?! He looked around; the other men were starring at him and Merlin.

"PHONE A FUCKING MBULANCE!" He screamed at them starring at Merlin in despair.

* * *

Hunith sat by the bed and held her sons hand. He had been in surgery for hours when he arrived and Hunith had only managed to get here after he went in. If what she had been told was right she was glad of it. That had all been a day or so ago. Hunith had lost track as she held her hurt sons hand. She spotted a pile of books on his bedside. It must have been dropped on one of those few occasions she had left to go to the toilet or get food.

She picked one up. It wasn't Merlin's, he always wrote his name in the front but it was his sort of book. So she opened it up and began to read to him.

"_In the beginning. It was a nice day. All the days had been nice. There had been rather more than seven of them so far…"_

"_…Dog, one last tiny satanic spark of his soul hating himself for it, put his head on one side and whined."_

"Mum." Merlin mumbled and Hunith shot to her feet grabbing his hand.

"Merlin?" He was finally awake. He coughed lightly.

"Yeah, you can stop reading." Hunith gave her son some water as he started coughing.

"How are you feeling?" Merlin looked at her from where he was lying on his stomach.

"Shit. But glad you're here." Hunith looked shocked at him.

"Like I wouldn't be here."

"Sorry, I know. I just felt so alone in there." Hunith squeezed his hand a little.

"Everyone was looking for you. We all wanted you to be safe and home."

"Where is everyone then?" Merlin asked uncertainly.

"Well, there are people from the base at the door and in the waiting room and some of them haven't left. Your uncle had to go back to work though and Will had to go to work as well." She said. His eyes flickered at the mention of people from the base. Hunith knew whom he wanted to ask about but knew he had to come to that for himself. He looked at the pile of books though and smiled a little.

"Okay." He said finally. She nodded.

"Did you not like this one?" She asked. He looked confused. "You said to stop reading."

"Oh, no. I always meant to read it sometime. Only, could you go back to the beginning?" She smiled and nodded.

* * *

Lance handed Arthur a second cup of coffee.

"Thanks." He murmured. Before returning to staring at his hands.

"Arthur, you need to eat, sleep, stop killing yourself. Take your pick." Lance said not bothering with formalities since both of them were off duty.

"Some one hurt him." It was all he ever said when Lance tried to help him. The only time he became more responsive was when someone came from Merlin's room. Then he was fearsome in his interrogation. Lance sat next to him and let him wallow.

Hunith emerged from the room. Merlin had been awake for two days. She went to Arthur before he could even stand up.

"Go in and see him. Talk to him. Then go home, have a shower and get some sleep. Then come back and be there for him."

"He doesn't want me." Arthur said shaking his head.

"He's as stubborn as you but he does most certainly want you. I'm his mother. I know what he needs. Even when he and his block head friends don't know." She smiled at him and left.

Arthur starred at the door to Merlin's ward. He really loved Merlin's mother. She had to be the best mum ever. She would never do wrong by Merlin. So even if he couldn't trust himself, he could trust in her judgement. He stood and headed for the door.

**Kajos: Sorry it's cliff hanger. I will try to do something about it soon. It's a good place to stop though. Please read and review with the promise of a great next chapter. It might get soppy. **


	16. Safe rooms

**Kajos: Here is the big moment everyone! It's finally here. Taken me a while to work this bit out but here we go.**

As Arthur opened the door and starred for a moment at the man lying on his stomach, He starred at a book propped up in front of him as he stepped into the room.

"Mum I told you to go home. I'm fine." Arthur's throat closed up at the concerned voice. He really hoped Hunith was right. "Mum? Is that you?" Merlin asked still not look turning to look at the door.

"Hey Merlin." Arthur said his voice cracking. Merlin's head turned so fast he went green and Arthur had to rush forward and grab a pan off the bedside for him. He was still suffering and Arthur instantly felt guilty for causing him to vomit. It was a minute or so before the gagging stopped. "You okay now? I'm sorry, I made you sick." He said scrabbling to put the contents of the pan down the toilet before stepping back into Merlin's line of sight. "This was a bad idea I'll just go." He had to go, he couldn't do this to him. Not now. Maybe in a few weeks.

"Wait." Merlin said as he went to leave. Arthur paused and stepped back into the room. "Gaius said you were in charge of the team that found me." Oh, God Merlin must be mortified that Arthur had found him like that. He didn't want to think about it though, he hadn't found Merlin there. That screaming creature wasn't Merlin. Wasn't the incredible person lying on the hospital bed.

"I was." Arthur said quietly.

"He said he couldn't keep you out of the investigations." Merlin smiled a little at that. Arthur didn't know what to say, what Merlin would want to hear so he went with something safe.

"It was my responsibility. Gaius left me sharing rooms with you so I could make sure you weren't hurt or attacked. I failed, that's why they got you. Because I was too busy wallowing to do my job." The room was quiet for a few moments. "I'm sorry." Arthur whispered. He reached out a hand but hesitated until Merlin took it. His wrists were marked from the restraints. He squeezed it lightly.

"You came Arthur. That's what matters." He starred into Merlin's eyes and the consolation there.

"No!" He said pulling away. "You shouldn't have been there. I should have looked after you."

"Arthur, It's not your fault. They would have got me some other time."

"That's not the point!" Arthur said turning away from Merlin. Merlin didn't say anything for a while.

"Arthur, you came for me. I don't remember much from the end but I remember your voice. I missed it. We haven't talked in ages." Arthur didn't turn back.

"You didn't want me there, Merlin. You were right to not want me there. I hurt you. You shouldn't ever let yourself be hurt." Merlin suddenly understood; this was still about before. Arthur was practically breathing guilt.

"Arthur, you hurt me. You damn near killed me. I can't stop thinking about you, Arthur. Based on the fact that I haven't seen you from closer than ten metres away in over a month you can't stop thinking about me. Tell me one thing Arthur. Did you see me? Could you see what you were doing?" Merlin said so certain of the answer. Arthur was silent for a long time. He had played back those moments so many times in his head.

"No." He breathed.

"What were you seeing Arthur?" Merlin said almost as quietly.

"I don't know." Arthur said as he lost it. He was crying. Merlin seemed to do that to him a lot. Merlin could just about reach him as Arthur crashed to his knees. He put a hand on his head wishing he could get out of bed to comfort him. Arthur turned and moved closer to the comfort of that caring touch.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled.

"Don't be. Just be here. Please. I don't feel safe anymore. Not on my own."

"Your not safe with me. I can't keep you _safe._ Not from them not from me." Arthur said still unable to look at him.

"I don't care, Arthur, I feel safe with you here. The rest is life." Arthur took a breath a pulled away grabbing a chair.

"You really want me around?"

"Yes, Arthur. I really want you around, now come on I'm supposed to be the teenager here so can we kiss rather than dance around the place?" Arthur cringed at the reminder of Merlin's age.

"I feel like a perv." he said leaning forward to brush his lips.

"I'm legal and your not that old." Arthur rolled his eyes and laughed. "Now can you please kiss me properly?"

"Not at this angle and it's the only one available for the next weeks or so." Arthur said his eyes alive for the first time in too long.

"Gorram it." Arthur stared at him.

"You did not just quote firefly."

"This from someone who can identify it as firefly." Merlin gave him a pointed look.

"I retract my complaint." Arthur laughed before sobering. "I'm still a superior officer, Merlin. It's fine like this but most of the time I have to be Captain Pendragon." Merlin looked down or a moment.

"I can live with that. As long as we get a lot of this." He said taking Arthur's hand again. Arthur grinned and kissed their joined hands smiling.

"Good."

"Now, would you mind going and having a shower." Merlin said scrunching up his face.

"That bad?"

"Uhuh." He said with a nod. Arthur laughed a ruffled his hair.

"I'll be back soon." He said heading for the door.

"You better be!" Merlin yelled after him.

Lance was waiting for Arthur and let out a sigh of relief to see a small smile on his friends face.

"You talked to him?" He asked.

"Yeah. I did." Arthur said.

"Well?" Lance asked desperately.

"What are you a teenage girl?" He sneered at him good-humouredly.

"Arthur, you've been killing yourself on the alter of Emrys for months."

"I think I'll be living in the temple from here on." He said with a smile as he slipped out the door with the intention of being back as soon as he could be.

**Kajos: Not sure if that's it or if there's going to an epilogue or a whole new section of the story. So it might be a while before the next update.**


	17. Home

**Kajos: right this is an epilogue cause I've decided I'm really never going to get into writing this again. I lost motivation on it pretty quickly and I have far to many on going fanfictions at the moment. **

Merlin grinned as he beat Arthur for the third time on Mariokart.

"Remind me again why we bought this game." The Captain drawled,

"Because I already beat you on all the others." Merlin crowed.

"Why did I agree to a civil partnership?" Arthur questioned god before Merlin rolled of the sofa on to him. They tumbled around in a tickle fight that soon slowed as Arthur explored his partner's mouth, hands gently caressing each other's bodies. It had been four years since Merlin had left the hospital, but Arthur still wondered at having Merlin safe and with him.

**Kajos: Sorry but that's your lot. Hope you enjoyed it.**


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